Relationship with God

Everything we do in life is in a partnership with God. Obviously he is the dominant one in the relationship. Keeping him at the center of your life provides much joy, happiness and peace. This inner peace allows you to understand that God has a plan for you. Give your best everyday in the areas that matter to you, the big rocks. Have fun when it is time to have fun and enjoy your relationships with other people through the day. With God on your side and in partnership with you your life will go well with lots of happiness.

How do you all pray? I know that you say your prayers at night and believe you pray when your feet hit the floor in the morning, but please pray and talk to God all day. He is your partner so talk with him about all your feeling. Talk and pray to God with blistering honesty. He expects you to ask the tough questions. Often times in life we suppress any negative or bad feelings because we feel like we are acting as bad people. “As good Christians would not question God or think like I am thinking.” Life Lesson…God wants you to come to him with complaints and problems. He knows your human hence he understands what you deal with in life. We are far from perfect. Do not pretend that things are perfect when they are not because God expects you to come to him. The Bible is full of stories of people coming to God with complaints and issues. The Bible is not a book full of perfect people by any means. You can enjoy such a healthy relationship with God when you realize he knows you are not perfect yet he still loves you dearly, talk to him about this.

I often talk to you about how life gets off track in certain areas and that is why we must focus daily on our plans, daily reminders, and dreams. Many times very good Christians get completely off track with God. A terrible accident, tragic event, or death of a loved one can be the cause. Talking with others or reading a book can get you distracted. When this happens discuss all your feelings with God. Remind yourself too about the terrible death Jesus experienced, dying on the cross to save us and provide us everlasting life. Many difficult questions go unanswered in life. Starving kids, tragic accidents, and human nature cause us to question things. We may not find the answers in this life time. If we get distracted in our love and commitment to God, remember the horrible death Jesus died for us. He could have prevented it if he so choose. This helps to keep things in perspective.

Enjoy!

Enjoy life to the fullest every single day as it is a gift from God. After a long week of work or school, it could involve a fun filled Saturday with friends simply hanging out soaking up the warm spring air. When it is time to play, play and have a ball doing it!

Listening

So wonderful seeing all of you at visitation last night, visiting once a month for a few hours does not give us enough time to discuss all the things to talk about in your lives. Each of you have so much to tell me but the small amount of time does not allow you to deliver all your thoughts. Thanks for your patience in allowing others to talk. Life Lesson: Be a good listener.
Most people are not good listeners. While the other person is talking they are preparing their next question or response, never truly hearing what the other person is saying. I cannot wait to listen to all that is going on in your life since I have missed. I hope I get moved soon so I can sit with each of you for a visit and catch up. Life Lesson: Listen to your friends; focus on exactly what they have to say when you are with them. This is a great habit to get into.

Mom

I love to read, always have. I get this from my Mother. I usually find an author I like and read everything by them; James Patterson, Elisabeth Elliot, Nicholas Sparks, Elizabeth Berg, Janet Evanovich, and lately Jodi Picoult. I like her books because they always have a controversial plot that makes you think twice about your reactions to certain situations. It’s always easy to say what you’d do or how you’d feel but until you are standing in that moment of time living that reality there is always more to it than you think. The latest one I read involved an Amish girl. I have been fascinated by these people ever since that story about the man that went on a rampage and killed the five little girls in the Amish school. I don’t know all the details but what stuck out in my mind was the way the Amish reacted, they got a quote from one man: "I don't think there's anybody here that wants to do anything but forgive and not only reach out to those who have suffered a loss in that way but to reach out to the family of the man who committed these acts," he told CNN. After reading this book I am amazed with their way of life again, they literally believe in and live by turning the other cheek. So many of us profess to be Christians but how often do we actually live by the rules that we believe in like they do? I know that I struggle with even the simplest of Christ’s teachings. (I swear there is a point to this blog stay with me here) I love and respect my mom. Yes she can drive me nutty but nobody understands me like she does. When I’m angry and ranting about something she’ll say “well what do you want me to do?” because she knows that I don’t want her to “do” anything I just want her to listen and agree with me about how awful this situation is. She takes care of everything with the house and I mean everything from weeding the bushes to fixing the toilet and always has while still finding time to take care of all of us. I never hesitated in school before volunteering my mom to bake cookies for teacher luncheons, or go on the field trips even the out of town ones. She could always take or pick up from the movies in middle school (she’s been driving carpool for over 20 years!) and somehow she always knew exactly what all of us were up to. I swear she knows when we’re up to trouble before we even plan anything. MY POINT: Over the last couple of years we knew this would be a hard time for my Dad and that he would try and make the best of the situation but I don’t think any of us could have imagined how hard this would be for my Mom. Constantly worrying about Dad and his well being, being Mother and Father at home, not only continuing to take care of the house and kids but now also working an outside job you could say she has a ton on her plate. Oh and did I mention as her lovely children instead of supporting her and thanking her for all she does we are much more likely to judge and point out all the things we think she is doing wrong; you gave one kid this not the other, Connor didn’t have to finish his dinner, my favorite you let Connor off too easy, Connor’s favorite you are too strict. For the sake of keeping things real she does get grouchy with us every once in awhile but while we love and treasure all the lessons that Dad writes down and sends to us I think that Mom is showing us some of the most important ones we’ll ever learn. Lessons like walking the walk instead of just talking the talk. Often we associate Christ with a father figure maybe more so in my family because Dad was the one we went to church with but as I think about it I’ve realized a few things. Here they are: how selfless Mom has to be putting all of our needs before hers, how she loves all of us in spite of our many faults, how she has kept her promise to love and honor for richer or poorer in good times and bad, how she is continuing to turn the other cheek. I’ve learned that we sometimes forget to give credit where credit is due so here’s to Mom thanks for the Christ like example for all of us. Amanda

Update

Quick update on Dad, he is back in Millington so we get to go visit Friday-Sunday and Mom makes sure that someone is there every hour available. He says it’s like Disney World after being where he was before! Millington has new chairs in the visiting room and the way he raves about them you would think that they had back massagers built in, I swear he asked me 18 times how much I loved the new chairs. He’s back working in education, his first assignment is leading a book club and then he will teach a new class this summer. Softball is starting and D unit and C unit are fighting over him. He was placed in D unit this time but C unit thinks that since he played with them last year he should again this year too. He has lost a little weight but he is already looking so much better. Everyone was home last weekend for Delanie’s birthday and Easter so Dad got plenty of time with each of us. Being able to all get a couple hours a week to visit is so much nicer than all going for the two and a half hours once a month to the Shelby farms facility. Connor would get so sick of listening to me and Sean talk about work, Delanie talk about her new job with the Cowboys, and Reaghan talk about the parties I mean classes at school. That is for the 15 minutes that we weren’t talking about King Tut (Connor’s) baseball. I guess Mom writing him every day with updates on King Tut wasn’t enough. Speaking of writing
Many of you have asked for his address so here it is:
FPC
James Foley 21320-076
PO BOX 2000
Millington, TN 38083-2000
I know he loves hearing from everybody but please don’t feel obligated.

Disclaimer

Disclaimer: Just because we have been blessed with these lessons does NOT mean that we take full advantage of them! I want to make sure that everyone who reads these knows that we are all a work in progress. This is for those of you that can’t see how “human” we are on a daily basis. I started this blog to be a positive to counteract the negative that is going on in our lives but I did not in any way, shape, or form want this to be a look at us and how great we are…because to put it bluntly we’re not. With that being said, I’m the only one who can say it. Those of you with family understand that, right? In the world of big families we are much more like the Bakers than the Murtaughs (Cheaper by the Dozen 2 with Steve Martin you can Google it) Here’s some pictures from Thanksgiving and Christmas 2008 to prove it…kids don’t kill me! Amanda

Dreams...Systems...A Kick in the Ass

Life Lesson: Working hard with a single mindedness of perfect will allow all your dreams to come true. Sometimes people stay away from dreams because it sounds a little fluffy or hard to achieve, it just seems out there. A company normally does not say our dream is to become this, instead they say our vision is to become this. I guess they believe it sounds a lot better, to use vision then dream. Sports teams at the pro and college level promote their vision for the next year and the following years. There is not a business or pro/college team that does not have a vision for their future. Most corporations publish their vision statement for everyone to see. People would not buy stock in the company if they did not know where this company is going demonstrated by their dream or vision statement.
Where are you going in life? Please update your dreams for me and give me your dreams/visions for 2009. I would love for you to do this for me. Hopefully, if you wondered about dreams being a little “goofy or hokey” the vision statement demonstrates the importance of completing it.
Now, you have your dream and you are willing to work hard, you must establish a systematic procedure for success. Life Lesson: you must develop a system and have the discipline to follow the system. Delanie and Reaghan need a system at Ole Miss and then a system for how they will study for their classes. Please recognize this challenge, most of the time you will not have someone telling you exactly what to do. People do what the boss or coach tells them. Sean and Amanda do not work for an employer so they must develop a self discipline to work their system. If they worked for Hatcher or Walt, they would know their job responsibilities. Nobody will tell Reaghan and Delanie what to do next semester. They must follow their own system and have complete trust in it. Here is a great example for Connor. Here is a System: M-F Lift 2:30-3:30, break, speed train/agility 3:45-4:15, break, Hit 4:30-5:30. This is the type of work ethic required to be a champion. This is hard as a freshman but can Connor find a way to implement a schedule as this for his own development? He will develop a system like this as he gets older, I would love to see him do it now.You may have times where you need a little motivation or a push to workout. You are in Maine where it is cold; it is cold in Memphis too. You are all healthy so there is no excuses for not exercising. I cannot feel sorry for you for even one minute. Please keep this in mind as you approach your exercise. Life Lesson: There is an 18 yr old boy coming home from Iraq without an arm or a leg who would give anything to run and lift, So what is your excuse? “Oh, you are not in the mood or do not feel like it.” Well pick it up, you know it is good for you, kick yourself in the ass, everyone needs a kick in the ass every once in a while, no big deal with that, now demonstrate the self discipline and go out and do what you are suppose to do!

In life you need some trusted advisors who will tell you the absolute truth about all areas of your life. This includes your behavior, lifestyle, looks, school, sports, and career as well as other aspects of life. Most people shy away from the truth as so often the truth tells us what we do not want to hear. Often times we know the truth, yet we do not want people telling us this difficult information. Let’s face it so often in life we get into ruts or fall into bad habits. These ruts and habits are just part of life but the reality is we want to avoid them when possible. If we fall into traps when we are not doing the right thing, learn to appreciate the people that will be honest with you. In fact, seek out trusted advisors and let them know that you always want honest and candid feedback on you and your life. Life Lesson: Seek out trusted advisors who will provide you honest feedback. This will benefit you so much in life.
Part of parenting is giving good honest feedback. Parenting includes teaching, training, and discipline, all provided with love which includes good honest feedback. What is key with the above is love. When people truly love you, feel so comfortable getting feedback from them. As we all know many people will say things with nefarious intentions and no plans to help us out. Some people come across as friends yet we know they possess a different agenda. The key when you look for trusted advisors is whether they truly love you. Always remember the tremendous love your parents and family have for you.

Pray...Help...Love

I so often talked with each of you about saying your prayers at night as we have so much to be thankful for in so many areas. Talk to God during the day as a friend where you bring so many of your problems to Him. As you make both big and small decisions ask Him for guidance on the correct course of action. This will provide a lot of comfort to you.
Helping the less fortunate is something we must do during our life. I love the Catholic Faith as a primary mission is meeting the needs of these people. Every act of kindness you do for the unfortunate is an act of kindness toward God. When you look at these forgotten people you can see God. Think about this when you see the poor, dirty, and sad individuals; you will see God. It takes some effort at times, but make sure you find ways to help the less fortunate. Life lesson: Make time for prayer and helping the less fortunate.
As Delanie’s priest mentioned last week both of the things above are important in our Christian life. However do not forget the importance of demonstrating love and kindness toward all your family members and friends. It does not make sense to pray and help the less fortunate and then act with a choleric and petulant attitude toward the people you love. So often people can be mean towards the people they truly love. What a sad way to live our life. Go out of your way to help Mom with chores and any challenges she faces each day. Encourage each other to do their best each day and strive for their goals. Demonstrate the love and care that you have for each other on a daily basis and catch yourself whenever you are about to say anything mean or inappropriate to them. Operate in this same way with your friends too. Life Lesson: Encourage love and stay positive with family and friends.

Self Discipline

Self discipline turns your dreams into reality! We know it takes hard work to achieve your dreams so you must discipline yourself to put in the required effort. Discipline does not take place until you are ready, this big rocks of an achievement must be important to you. You must have your mind right where a determination takes you over in your mind to do something. No one truly motivates you to do something until you are completely ready yourself. Other people may inspire you to do something, but you decide yourself it is time to put it in gear. Someone can give you some excellent ideas but it all comes together when you truly engage your mind and make the determination to do it yourself. Watching all of you develop in life and continuing to develop, I clearly notice when things become very important to you. The mind gets right and you accomplish things. As you think about your goals and big rocks, set your goals based on what is important to you. Hard to figure out why something all of a sudden becomes important to you, but it is just part of maturing and growing up. Once the determination is in your mind you block everything out and stay with it. You are determined to succeed and it will happen. Reaghan the little brainiac gets a 3.0, I guess school became important to her!Think about all your big rocks, is it very important for you to succeed in those areas? If so, get your mind right and operate with the determination to get it done. It is true with more minor things too. Is it important to keep your room clean? Do you take care of your clothes? What does your car look like? Anything you’re not doing well with, step back and you will realize, right now it is just not that important to you.

Happy Birthday Delanie!

Big Rocks

I'm sure many of you have heard this before but Dad refers to our "Big Rocks" all the time in the lessons so just in case here's the story:
One day an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high powered overachievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz." Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"Everyone in the class said, "Yes."
Then he said, "Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the space between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?" By this time the class was on to him. "Probably not," one of them answered. "Good!" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?" "No!" the class shouted.
Once again he said, "Good." Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?" One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!"
"No," the speaker replied, "That's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all." What are the 'big rocks' in your life? Your children; Your loved ones; Your education; Your dreams; A worthy cause; Teaching or mentoring others; Doing things that you love; Time for yourself; Your health; Your significant other? Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. If you sweat the little stuff (the gravel, the sand) then you'll fill your life with little things you worry about that don't really matter, and you'll never have the real quality time you need to spend on the big, important stuff (the big rocks). So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the 'big rocks' in my life? Then, put those in your jar first."

Luck takes place when opportunity meets preparedness

Your goals and dreams will not take place because of luck, it takes extremely hard work. Determine exactly what you want and get your mind engaged daily on this goal, not choosing just what is easy. Amanda and Sean will not enjoy a great business because of luck. It takes a lot of hard work, grinding things out everyday. Delanie did not luck into the Cowboys job: she went to Dallas for the internship, giving up a lot and making a bold move. She had a choice to make last summer. Reaghan’s opportunities after college will not come as a result of luck. She must get great grades and find a way to get involved in her dreams. Connor will not luck into great grades and an outstanding baseball career; he must work very hard to earn it. I am so proud of his efforts. Life Lesson…Luck takes place when opportunity meets preparedness. You will get opportunities, will you be prepared? Are you working by studying in your field? Learning everything you can to prepare yourself for the opportunities? The medical business at a company for Amanda could be a career opportunity, is she prepared? Connor goes into baseball season is he prepared? The Titans had minicamps and weight lifting sessions plus summer camp to prepare them for the season. They studied film and many items to get ready for their opportunity. I cannot emphasis the dedication and commitment required to excel at the highest level in anything you do. We all know about successful people in the sports world, Tiger Woods, Michael Phelps, etc. and in business, Bill Gates, but even Gordon and Greg. Please realize how hard all of them had to work to get to that very high level. Life Lesson…Grow and get better every day.

Smile...Be Happy...Trust in God

Seeing you all come through the door at visitation with big lucent smiles demonstrated how lucky I am as a Father to have all of you. You all live the life lessons which are so fun for me to see. Life Lesson…Put that beautiful smile on your face when you see people. It shows such warmth and displays a feeling that you are very open to them. Despite the possible awkward situation (meeting a new teacher or even someone you do not care for). Just put that smile on your face, just as if you were seeing dad. Whether it is fair or not Life Lesson…Appearance does matter greatly. You all posses such great looks. I mean really exceptional looks which will automatically benefit you in the game of life. Prior to prison, the compliments I received were nonstop for each of you. After this last visit virtually every outlaw complimented me on what great looking kids. Obviously I am so proud of you all. There is always one guy who asks, “Are they all with the same woman?” They all just look at life so differently. (Not to get sidetracked but Jerry who was there has eleven children with eight different women.)

You all seem so happy living one of the most important Life Lesson…Be Happy. There are difficult situations that you encounter providing daily struggles which everyone experiences: however the fun and positive daily challenges far outweigh any daily obstacles that present themselves. Life is all about challenges and taking them head on. Life Lesson…Trust In God and believe in yourself knowing this partnership will allow all your dreams to take place, providing for a lot of wonderful tomorrows. None of you know what the future holds. Therefore have total faith that your plan will work out and come to fruition. This is the only way to live.

How'd I get to be so lucky?

I heard this phrase everyday growing up, Dad would sometimes say it multiple times. We’re having chicken parm for dinner?!?! How’d I get to be so lucky??? You got an A on your English paper?!?! You get the picture…then we hit a rough patch and everyone felt so bad for us. Almost daily you hear of bad things happening to good people. Someone lost their job, had a car accident, was diagnosed with cancer, filed for divorce, even experienced a death of a close one. And when you get the pray for me email or receive the “did you hear” phone call you feel awful for them, you really do. You tell them you’re in my thoughts and prayers. God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. My personal favorite: when one door closes another one opens…but it can be hell in the hallways. We’ve heard them all. In our way my family experienced our “bad” thing happening to “good” people. On May 29th 2007 my Father was sentenced to 51 months in federal prison for mail fraud. Yes that’s correct for the next 4 years and 3 months my Dad would be in a federal prison camp while there are rapists, drug dealers, people who abuse their spouse and children, and even murders that had been sentenced to prison for less time. Everyone said what a sad story you should write a book about it. Which if one day my Dad decides to do, I say good for him. But I couldn’t stand the thought of this being his defining moment. This one “bad” thing that happens being what my Fathers amazing life is about. Being convicted of mail fraud, serving time in prison, being a felon is not what my Dad is or not who my Dad is. It is a bump in the road. He made a wrong decision, as we all do. But in his case he has to pay very dearly for his. My Dad has touched literally hundreds of people in so many different ways. He was a devoted Son who called his mother everyday on his way home from work just to say hello until the day she died. He has an amazing bond with each of his siblings who have so much love and respect for him. He and my mother have the kind of marriage movies are made about, they got married on Valentine’s Day and he’s the one who picked the date! At home she is the disciplinarian but he commanded respect from all of us for not only him but her also. He is the Dad that woke up at 3:30 so he could get everything done at work and be at whatever sport is in season’s practice at 5:30. He was my brothers baseball coach from the time they were 4 playing t-ball until then went to high school. He coached every season of church basketball and went to every football game they played in. He went to all of my sisters competitions and loved playing show time at the Foleys when they were little. He is not just our father he is our friend, when you were having a bad day he would come in your room to talk about it. He is the most inspirational and uplifting person you will ever meet. He can literally turn your attitude around in a matter of minutes. This is because you know the things he is saying to you are principals he lives by not just kind words spoken. He said our prayers every night. Being the good Catholics that we are we said the Our Father, Hail Mary and then he would add: And please take Mimi and Papa into heaven and please help baby Patrick, please help the poor and less fortunate, Father we know we are so blessed and have so much to be thankful for, Amen. He had us at church every Sunday. When I graduated college and moved back to Memphis he wanted us to do something together so we taught my youngest brothers Sunday school class. At work he was not just a sales manager he was a friend and mentor. He inspired people to give their best because they knew that’s what they were getting from him. He is the friend that you could call when you needed anything; advice, sporting event tickets, or just someone to listen. Not to be cliché but I know that there is a reason for everything, and knowing my Dad many good things will come from this hard time. Being the type that can’t waste one moment of time, he began putting his life lessons down on paper for us. In a meeting the other day someone asked how dad was doing and Sean, my brother, said he’s as busy as ever getting us our life lessons. This man mentioned that his kids could probably use those life lessons as well. So here they are because while we are lucky enough to know this man personally not everyone has someone like him in their life. How'd I get to be so lucky?

You're in control

You control your joy, happiness, peace, love, and enthusiasm for life. Never ever let anyone take this away from you. This treasure is only yours, so you hold on to it and never let anyone get it. If you choose to be in a bad mood, let it be your decision. DO NOT let another person decide your mood or how your day proceeds. Heck, sometimes you will have a bad day. I truly believe you can eliminate those when you get your mind right, but let this be your choosing and not caused by another individual or situation.

This lesson radiates in prison because they have taken away many of your rights and freedoms as a human being. Yet, regardless of the conditions or what a guard might say or do, I control the very powerful gift of my happiness and attitude. Now, sometimes in life you fight back hard at other people or opposing views, you just do not let them control your attitude. This is not about being a wimp where you let others walk over you. We are fighters and will use our fist to stand up for ourselves and our beliefs. This is about controlling your mind when things are over where you do not command a bad day based on the actions of others. That little voice in your mind that plans words and events over and over caused by the action of others must be eliminated when the event is over so you can control your happiness. What others say or do means nothing to you. You move on with your day.

How will you grow as a person today? Approach everyday, as soon as you get up in the morning, with a mindset of improving and growing today. You are all at the perfect stage in life to get better everyday. What will Amanda and Sean learn new in the business today to improve their skills? What will all of you learn in a text book or in a classroom today that you did not know? This is extremely exciting! Will you improve in your spiritual life by reading the Bible or helping someone else out? A small act of kindness to others says so much about you. I hope it makes you feel good too. Will Connor bust ass today in his workouts and hitting doing more than what is expected to improve as an athletic baseball player? Will all of you improve in your conditioning program, doing one more rep? Will Sean and Amanda make the extra call, doing the really difficult things they need to grow their business? Give some thought to how you can grow each and every single day as it is such a healthy way to live. By reviewing your goals and daily reminders, you will stay on track in this very important area of your life. You can do it!